Where we pretend to work, and you pretend to care.

BREAKING: New policy bans all non-beige office decor. REMINDER: Ventilation ducts are NOT for employee use. UPDATE: Elevator music upgraded to 20% more motivational. REMINDER: All pens must be checked out from HR. Unauthorized writing is a fireable offense.
Current productivity:
▶▶ 100% ◀◀
(BASELINE ADJUSTED)
Our Core Values
1. Obedience
2. Paperwork
3. Vague Reassurance